BREAKING: True, Congress Got a $40 Million Raise

During negotiations between Democrats and Republicans to determine the specifics of the stimulus relief bill, Speaker Nancy Pelosi inserted legislation giving herself and the entire body of Congress a raise in pay totalling 40 million dollars of precious, precious taxpayer money.

We at Freedom Fictions have done due diligence in researching this claim and found that it is:First reported simultaneously by various conservative fake news outlets including Fox, OAN, the Savage Nation, Breitbart, the Blaze, Lifesitenews, RushLibaughsBlumpkin dot com, DipshitTeabagger Daily, and Sarah Palin’s Tramp Stamp The Facebook Page, all have confirmed the story. Joe Barron, who works in our boiler maintenance room explains:

“It’s true in the sense that these conservative outlets masquerading as ‘news’ can always manage, and have again in this case, to convince the Trump crowd that everybody is taking their money to scare them. They really went for this one. It dates back to Reagan convincing them that their own American government is bad, even while they blubber like blowjobbing seals over the flag of that government and want to store guns for when they have to overthrow it patriotically. Added to that, they believe Nancy Pelosi is some kind of grandma Thanos, bent on world domination because they live in some kind of bad acid trip where cartoons are real and kids across the country are eating Tide Pods. Anyone normal knows these things aren’t true. But in the Trumpy teabagger schizo worldview, everything is true. Aliens are in area 51, Obama was from Wakanda, and covid is an insidious Chinese plot to shut down the nation that is their biggest trading partner and investment. They aren’t bright. At all.”

If you can be convinced that this defective John Travolta clone knows five languages , please just line up in front of Trump University with your tuition in unmarked bills.
According to various Facebook memes and articles written by some guy in Pakistan who gets far less money than we do without adding any entertaining jokes and will probably be beaten into oatmeal for wearing the wrong shoes to the wrong cave, Pelosi and crew are also planning to attach giant straws to the moon to suck up more cash from the Social Security coffer, which is a giant 50-story bucket located in Queefersland, Utah. Sound ridiculous? So does the thought that the wallets of a couple million D-students from the 1950s are so super important that Congress can’t wait to finger past melted hard candy blobs to snatch out the three dollars they were planning to use to tip the waitress at Red Lobster.

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